I don't know why

I don't know why people say they're going to change, when they know deep down they won't.
I don't know why I feel the urge to fix every problem, whether it's mine or not.

I mentioned before about how I wasn't the biggest fan of drinking and drugs and all that.

But lately, it's becoming a problem. I don't know what to do.

I feel lately, what I've been feeling is lost.

A lot of times, I don't know what to do! The decisions that I've been making in the last few months have been easily the hardest decisions that I've ever had to make in my life.

I'm scared.
I am freaking scared out of my mind.
What if I make the wrong decision? What if I end up screwing everything up?

I'm not ready! I'm not ready to make these kinds of choices! Not now, not ever! I have no idea what I'm doing anymore. Things are changing to fast for me to really understand what would be the smartest path. And I'm afraid I'm going to not make the right one.

I never got to be a kid. That's all I want. I want to be a kid. I wanna be able to go outside and play and go to birthday parties at Chuckie Cheese and watch endless Disney movies and eat endless Mac and Cheese. I want to not care. I want to not make these life changing decisions, I'm not ready.