As you all well know, I haven't been living at  home lately, I have been living with one of my best friends, Catie.
Life has gotten better since I have left, but life has also gotten harder. I have continued into the realization that things for me earlier in life have been pretty bad.
Where I live now is a painful place to stay. I don't mean painful physically, but more mentally and emotionally.
When I wake up every morning I am forced to watch a life that, in my eyes, is perfect. I watch Catie live her life that is....normal.

And the worst part is that I sit there and I think to myself that I will never have the things she does.

This isn't the kind  of jealousy that you have when your friend has a pair of shoes that you really wanted. This kind of jealousy is tearing me apart because I get to wake up every morning in a place where everyone else is happy and I'm not.

She has a family who loves her, she is in a relationship where her boyfriend cares about her and wants to make her happy, she has so many people around her that want her to be happy and want nothing but the best for her. She has love all around her.

That's the only thing I have ever wanted in my life is to feel loved.

And she keeps reminding me that her parents are my parents and they love me and everyone in this place loves me but the thing is, is that I'm not their daughter! I'm not related to any of them! I'm not really, and will never really be a part of their family. I'm never going to have the love or the special bond that parents have to their children! Because I'm not their kid! Whether or not they really love me, that amount of love will never equal the amount of love a parent feels for their real child. They're not going to be willing to make the same kind of sacrifices that they would make in an instant for their real child. And I'm not their real child. I'm not a real sister. I'm not a part of this family! I'm a 17 year old foster child that had to run away from home and live with her best friend.

And it kills me that I have to sit here and watch it everyday.

It's not a homeless life for me, it's just that I'm home less than I'd like to be.