I'm not that kind of girl!

There are many pressures in today's society. Expectations that are unreasonable, unreachable and therefore unachievable by a majority of teenagers. I've never been the kind of person who's really confident. Though those who know me would say differently,  I guess I shouldn't really say that I'm not confident, but I'm just not comfortable about some things that normal teenagers would typically be comfortable doing. 

I never felt the urge to drink, do drugs, party or sleep around with guys. I'm not saying that I've never taken a drink of alcohol, but I'm saying that I've never felt any kind of satisfaction from it. I used to talk about it a lot and say to people "I got so drunk this weekend" or something along those lines, but I've never felt proud of saying that. 

When I was a freshman in high school, I was the definition of a straight edge. I stayed at home and did my laundry and homework, made good grades and kept my room clean. I did what a good girl was asked to do. It wasn't until the end of freshman year and into the summer that I took my first drink of alcohol. I was with my cousin who was known to be a "party girl", and you could say that I was sort of peer pressured into it. I'm not putting the blame on the concept of peer pressure though. Peer pressure didn't make the decision to take the first drink, I did. 

And that's what sucks.

I was brainwashed into thinking that peer pressure was something that got to make decisions for me. I was just like every other teenager that thought that you had to do something in the status quo in order to fit in. I let it get the best of me and I began to persist. I'm not saying that I was an alcoholic! I only drank about one or twice a month, but once or twice a month was unacceptable since my first drink was already too much.

I guess this whole story is about how I lost myself to what society wanted. Today I realized that I'm not going to let that happen anymore.

One of my friends invited me to go to the club tonight and last week I really wanted to go because everyone was going to the club, but I sat and thought about it some more and I came to the conclusion that I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that. Because that's not me! Ahaha. I sounds so lame, but I don't really care! To say it bluntly: I'm not going to dress all skimpy, go to a party where people are drunk and high and just want me to shake my butt into their crotch! 

I'm not that kind of girl!

I'm not comfortable with that! I just want to sit at home, read a book, do my laundry, play my guitar, sing and write! I don't like going out everyday, I don't go to parties and I don't have sex with guys! I don't want that and I don't want to be attracting the kind of people who want that. Don't get me wrong, I loove to have fun and to go out with friends and have a good time, but I believe that there are other ways to get the high out of your life other than from a drug.

After today and after writing this, I realize now that I need to do what makes me happy and do things that make me comfortable. I'm not going to change myself to fit in with a group or to satisfy them. I need to satisfy myself. The friends that I have need to see that it's what's good for me, and if they are real friends they'll stick around and be happy to be in my life.

Because I'm pretty freakin awesome!

-Nessa<3