Let me tell you a story

I'm sorry. I haven't written in a while. Things have been really busy lately. I'm here to tell you a story of  my life since the last time that I wrote.

Let me start off by saying that I've changed. I'm not the same person. I'm more quiet, I'm more reserved and I'm more....grown up. In the last month of my life, so many things have changed that I never believe would have. I've been given a chance. I've been given a chance to change how my life could be. I took that chance and I became stronger. I am no longer the girl I was. I have had time to think and time to clear my head and time to have a change in heart. Let me explain to you what has happened to me:

My name is Vanessa, and I have been abused physically, emotionally and verbally by my mother for 17 years. Now me saying that was a pretty big deal because I'm not ever that blunt and open about my situation. I'm not asking for pity. I am not asking of anything, but an ear to listen and a heart to understand.

I ran away from home on June 6th, 2012. And it was probably one of the hardest decisions that I have ever made in my life. It's hard to explain to anyone who hasn't been in a similar situation that I have been in, what it's like and why I couldn't leave before. When you are abused, you are bound and controlled and ruled by fear of that person. There isn't ever an option of leaving. You are just there and you will stay there. You view the person in control as a corrupt God that has the power to drag you through hell without hesitation.

It wasn't until I left to clear my head did I realize that my mother ruled every thought that I had. I was always concerned about her opinion, her thought, and what she could do to me as a result. I was brainwashed. I was a slave.

But things have changed.

The few people who know about my little secret always say to me: When you leave you will never go back. You will not talk to her ever again. The thing they don't realize is that's not how the way it is. I was actually hysterically crying last night because I missed my family so much. There will never be a day when I'll just never talk to her again. But what everyone else thinks is that I need to take revenge on her.

Revenge gets you nowhere.

I am going to become what I want. Be who I want to be and be happy and have love and have everything that she couldn't give to me and not be who she was. I am going to become successful. And I'm going to let her know that she had nothing to do with it. I want to show her that I don't need her. I didn't need her to become who I am.

-Nessa<3

PS: I left my Vent book with my mom soo there might not be any entries from there for a little while. Sorry guys! There was some good stuff in there. Someday soon I will.